Now it's time to start thinking about turkey and pumpkin pie and Christmas decorations, music and fun with family and friends.
We are staying home this season. My Roberto starts radiation for prostate cancer on the 15th. At first I freaked out because that is what happens when you hear your husband has cancer. Fears race through your mind and you wonder what you would do if he doesn't "make it." Your emotions leap onto a roller coaster and go from contemplative to gripping fear--from "I know he's going to be okay" to wanting to crawl under the covers and stay there.
A family friend who has been through prostate cancer wrote: "It's such an odd thing to hear from your doctor, that you have cancer, and I know it's also incredibly difficult for family members. No one is quite sure what to expect."
Once we visited with the oncologist and went over the tests and treatment options it was easier. I studied Robert as he calmly stated he would take radiation treatments. I wondered what he was really feeling. He said, "I know I'm going to be okay. Let's get this taken care of."
Okay. So I now I know he's going to be okay too. I know that Robert is in God's hands and that is the best place to be.
Will I still waver? Will I still stare at him and try to burn the image of his face into my mind? Will I grip his hand in the middle of the night and pray that God will let him stay? Will my imagination go where it doesn't belong?
Probably. But this I know is true--God is in control. I know that God has a plan and I have confidence that Robert's work on this earth is not finished.
I also know that none of us is promised a tomorrow so we will enjoy the gift of today. We will cherish the moments and trust God for our tomorrows.
So at first I will sit in the waiting room each day while Robert has his treatment and then when we make it through the first week I will know that it's not that scary and we will settle into the routine of --Roberto goes to radiation each day--then he will stop at the gym and work out-- and what was so foreign will become the norm.